Sharing the News

So far I have told everyone who matters (and then maybe a few more). I really wanted to wait but we just couldn't hold it in. We've been trying for so long that a lot of my friends know when my period is due and they start asking questions around that time. So far I've made 2 friends cry on the phone, my mum screamed and squealed and kept saying "thank you" and my dad celebrated by getting super drunk and repeatedly toasting me with champagne while I drank a nice mug of water.

We went over to my mum's because she had some stuff for us (well for the baby!). She got some tiny little socks, a rattle and a beautiful book, Teeny Tiny Baby. She was so cute and proud and asked me a million questions about how I'm feeling.

After mum's we went for dinner at my dad's house for my step-grandmother's 85th birthday. We told everyone our news and they didn't seem as excited as I thought they would be. I then sat through 4 hours of being told what I should and should not do (my name choices are bad, I shouldn't find out the sex, and I can go ahead and drink the whole time. Hmm... I think I'll just stick with my own decisions thank you very much). I eventually couldn't take it anymore and pretended I wasn't feeling well so we made our exit.

James got a little tipsy at my dad's (I'm the drinker in the family but he's taking over while I'm out of commission). We went to Walmart after dinner at my dad's to look at baby stuff. I know it's crazy early to be buying anything but I wanted to get something myself for my baby. I picked out a super cute newborn size white sleeper with an embroidered bear sleeping surrounded by stars and moons and hearts. James then proceeded to walk it down the aisle at Walmart (pretending there ws a baby walking in it) telling anyone who would listen that I am pregnant. I was hugely embarrassed but he was so proud and so cute that I couldn't help laughing. The cashier was laughing so hard I thought she'd cry. Then on the ride home he held the sleeper on his chest and cuddled it and talked to it the whole time.

I seem to have adjusted my sleep patterns already. I've always gone to bed ridiculously late and woken up equally late. The past 2 nights I've been in bed by 10 and asleep by 11. I can't seem to sleep past 8:30 (I generally sleep until at least noon if I don't have any reason to get up). It could also help that I'm only drinking one cup of coffee a day now so I'm not totally wired.

I'm going to a Chocolate Fountain party at my friend's house tonight. She' one of my fabulous Witchy friends who did a belly blessing for us to get pregnant many months ago. I can't wait to be surrounded by a bunch of fabulous (nontraditional!) women after the onslaught of last night. xo

ETA:
I finally found my camera and some batteries so here's a pic of the onesie I bought:

Wow! (CD35, 14DPO)

I didn't sleep much last night. I guess I'll get used to that eventually!
I'm still scared that my period is going to come. I know that's insane since I took 3 positive tests but I am just so used to feeling betrayed by my body that every time I go to the washroom I am afraid to look down. Every twinge in my lower abdomen scares the crap out of me. My breasts are incredibly sore but they are for the week before my period every month so I can't even go with that comfort.
I also had some other panic last night. I have been hoping to get pregnant for so long that it just never seemed like it would actually happen. I was having all these thoughts last night about how everything is out of my control. My body is no longer my body and there is an entire little person growing inside it and taking over. I suffer from severe anxiety so the more I think about something the worse the panic gets. Normally when I feel the panic I take an Ativan or drink chamomile tea but I am so terrified of putting anything into my body right now. I know my antidepressants are safe (Zoloft) so I'll just have to count on them to deal with the chemicals and try to find other ways to calm myself. The new community leisure guide just came out so I'm going to try to get into a yoga class so I can get my body in shape and control my emotions as well.
Going by my Fertility Friend calculator I ovulated 14 days ago so this is still really really early. So my little bundle of cells is most likely 14 days old. My last period started 35 days ago though so I am "technically" 35 days pregnant. Pregnancy math hurts my head though! I can't get into the OBGYN until September 16 so I won't know any details until then. I'm hoping I can get into see my family doctor before that.
My way of dealing with new events/interests is to read everything I possibly can about it. I have been 'collecting' books I want in my Chapters profile for the last year or so (lots of them recommendations from my Married Me ladies). I'm poor though so I requested a bunch from the library. If I fall in love with any of them then I'll buy them after that. The only books they didn't have at the library that I wanted were the Dr Sears books so I think I'll order them.
Anyhoo, that's my news/angst/excitement for the morning.

Fuck Yeah!

I just went for a pee test at the clinic. And it was positive!!!! I can't believe it. I'm trying to get a hold of my Dr right now to set up an appointment to get some info. No details yet but I'm on CD34 so I guess I'm 34 days pregnant? I get confused by baby calculating math. Anyhoo..... I'll write more later. Now I have to go to work and deal with a crummy boss and act like I don't have the most important news in the world!!

Holy Shit! (CD 34, 13DPO)

After I wrote last night I read a friend's blog who was waiting for results from her IUI. I was feeling inspired so I took a test.


There's a line!

I couldn't sleep for hours after that. It's a faint line but it's there. I can't believe it. James is trying not to get too exited. I just woke up and took another test.

There's another line!!

This one is still pretty faint but there is no doubt that it's there. This seriously could be it. I could be pregnant! Going to try to sleep some more and go to a clinic for a blood test later. xo

2WW Continued (CD 33, 12 DPO)

The wait is killing me. It kills me every month. I was thinking today about how many 2WW's I have endured. We started throwing caution to the wind a couple months before our wedding (June 21, 2008 if yr interested) so it's been about 15 cycles. I wasn't charting the whole time or actually "trying" the whole time but we were having unprotected sex whenever we felt like it. So 15 cycles of 2WW's is ummm...... let me get out my calculator.... is 210 days of waiting for my period. And that's assuming my 2ww is actually 14 days, in actuality it's usually 16-18. And then there's those months where my body decides to ovulate late so I end up feeling like I'm waiting even longer because my cycle turns into 35 days or so and I'm just waiting to ovulate already and stop having to have sex on demand. So come on already! Hasn't my time come!

3 Posts in One Day? I must be a sucker for pain. (CD31 cont...)

One would think that on CD31 you could start getting excited about a late period or at least thinking about the possibility of a positive EPT. Well, nope! Not here! My period used to be every 28 days. For as long as I can remember. Then I decided to "start trying". That month my cycle was 35 days. Hmmm..... it's gone on from there anywhere between 29 and 44 days (I'm thinking the 44 day month was either stress of a miscarriage. Can't be sure). But now thanks to FF and the glory of ovulation 'piss strips' I have a general idea of when I ovulated.
So silly me, I was having a rotten day yesterday so I decided to perk myself up with a BIGFUCKINGNEGATIVE EPT. Yeah me! Do I know how to have fun or what? So now we wait another couple of days where I wonder if every pain, twinge, or mood swing is PMS or Pregnancy.

Wait a Sec....

It just dawned on me that maybe my extra grumpy/sad mood today is PMS! Yeah me! Haven't had any of the wonderful sore boobs I get every month though, maybe they'll come tomorrow!