Thursday, July 30, 2009
Fears (CD 12)
Now that I know where the problem is stemming from and that pregnancy might be in my near future I am starting to get scared about the actual pregnancy. I read somewhere once that having a child is like taking your heart and putting it on the outside of your body. I've thought about that a lot and I hope I am ready for it. I'm not scared about the baby part or the birth part or even the pregnancy part (although I know I will be later!); I'm scared about losing a pregnancy. After over a year of trying to get pregnant and never seeing the faintest pink line, what happens if *IT* happens and I lose it? I think I've been hoping so much to just *get* pregnant that I haven't been thinking about the whole *staying pregnant* issue. I'm afraid that my body doesn't want a baby or won't be able to keep it and nurture it. I know that most miscarriages are due to the baby not being healthy enough to survive but my fear is that my body isn't healthy enough to keep a baby.