Saturday, August 29, 2009

Panic at the Baby Store

I was so excited about going to Babies R Us. I had felt like it was a place I was either not allowed to go to or that I would feel bad about going to before I was pregnant. We headed over yesterday and I ended up having a minor panic attack. There was so much stuff. So many things that you apparently have to buy or YOUR BABY IS GOING TO DIE!! I lasted about 20 minutes before we had to leave. James grabbed a catalog on our way out though.

When I got home I perused the catalog and realized that so much of the stuff I was seeing at the store is not actually stuff I'm at all interested in. There are a few big ticket items (stroller, car seat, bassinet/co-sleeper, breast pump) we'll need but I think our family will take care of them (mum already said she'd get the bed). I think I was just overwhelmed by all the choices. There were at least 20 strollers, 30 car seats, 15 breast pumps, and on and on and on. I can't seem to figure out why one car seat would cost $99 and another would cost $300. They aren't going to make a car seat that's unsafe right? So why do I need to even think about spending $300 on one if the $99 one is just as effective.

Then there were the brands. Evenflo, Eddie Bauer, Graco... There are just so many. And then there are the "child advertising" type items as well. Why does everything have to have Dora, Winnie the Pooh or Disney Princesses on it? If it doesn't have one of those brands on it then it is pink or blue. I have no plans to raise my child gender neutral but I also have no plans to have everything pink or blue. And why does a child need a Dora the Explorer potty? Does peeing with Dora make it easier? At least there was no Hannah Montana on the baby stuff.

Anyhoo, I'll have to make another trip to Babies R Us so we can make our registry. I think next time I go though I will be armed with information. I plan to do my research on strollers, breast pumps, car seats/strollers/travel systems and maybe have some sort of idea what we want.

Thursday, August 27, 2009

Vampire Baby

No, I don't think this is what my baby will look like. But it's just so damn cute!

eta: James outed us publicly on Facebook today so I posted this picture as my profile. I think it's totally appropriate. xo

Tuesday, August 25, 2009


I was seeing an OB-GYN to figure out why we weren't getting pregnant. I made a pre-natal appointment with her for Sept 16 which seems SO FAR AWAY (welcome to the world of waiting for you baby, Kat). I don't actually want her to deliver my baby anyhow though, I have always wanted a midwife. In Canada (or BC at least) your birth is covered by a doctor or a midwife either way so I feel incredibly lucky.

I always thought that my friend's mum would be my midwife. She was the first midwife I ever met and she's an amazing witchy woman. She's a wild hippie lady (sometimes a little too wild though!) but a total sweetheart. Well, it turns out that she is the midwife from James' youngest son's birth. It might sound totally catty but I don't want the same midwife as his ex-wife. I'm not comfortable with that at all and I think my baby's birth is something I need to be totally comfortable during.

So I consulted my local mamma friends and got a recommendation for a lady named Jen. And I have an appointment with her on Monday!!!! I am so excited. She's actually a customer at the cafe I used to work at. I remember her being really sweet but really shy. I spoke to her on the phone though and she seemed lovely. So I'll have an update on my baby way sooner than I expected. i am so excited!!

Sunday, August 23, 2009

Sharing the News

So far I have told everyone who matters (and then maybe a few more). I really wanted to wait but we just couldn't hold it in. We've been trying for so long that a lot of my friends know when my period is due and they start asking questions around that time. So far I've made 2 friends cry on the phone, my mum screamed and squealed and kept saying "thank you" and my dad celebrated by getting super drunk and repeatedly toasting me with champagne while I drank a nice mug of water.

We went over to my mum's because she had some stuff for us (well for the baby!). She got some tiny little socks, a rattle and a beautiful book, Teeny Tiny Baby. She was so cute and proud and asked me a million questions about how I'm feeling.

After mum's we went for dinner at my dad's house for my step-grandmother's 85th birthday. We told everyone our news and they didn't seem as excited as I thought they would be. I then sat through 4 hours of being told what I should and should not do (my name choices are bad, I shouldn't find out the sex, and I can go ahead and drink the whole time. Hmm... I think I'll just stick with my own decisions thank you very much). I eventually couldn't take it anymore and pretended I wasn't feeling well so we made our exit.

James got a little tipsy at my dad's (I'm the drinker in the family but he's taking over while I'm out of commission). We went to Walmart after dinner at my dad's to look at baby stuff. I know it's crazy early to be buying anything but I wanted to get something myself for my baby. I picked out a super cute newborn size white sleeper with an embroidered bear sleeping surrounded by stars and moons and hearts. James then proceeded to walk it down the aisle at Walmart (pretending there ws a baby walking in it) telling anyone who would listen that I am pregnant. I was hugely embarrassed but he was so proud and so cute that I couldn't help laughing. The cashier was laughing so hard I thought she'd cry. Then on the ride home he held the sleeper on his chest and cuddled it and talked to it the whole time.

I seem to have adjusted my sleep patterns already. I've always gone to bed ridiculously late and woken up equally late. The past 2 nights I've been in bed by 10 and asleep by 11. I can't seem to sleep past 8:30 (I generally sleep until at least noon if I don't have any reason to get up). It could also help that I'm only drinking one cup of coffee a day now so I'm not totally wired.

I'm going to a Chocolate Fountain party at my friend's house tonight. She' one of my fabulous Witchy friends who did a belly blessing for us to get pregnant many months ago. I can't wait to be surrounded by a bunch of fabulous (nontraditional!) women after the onslaught of last night. xo

I finally found my camera and some batteries so here's a pic of the onesie I bought:

Saturday, August 22, 2009

Wow! (CD35, 14DPO)

I didn't sleep much last night. I guess I'll get used to that eventually!
I'm still scared that my period is going to come. I know that's insane since I took 3 positive tests but I am just so used to feeling betrayed by my body that every time I go to the washroom I am afraid to look down. Every twinge in my lower abdomen scares the crap out of me. My breasts are incredibly sore but they are for the week before my period every month so I can't even go with that comfort.
I also had some other panic last night. I have been hoping to get pregnant for so long that it just never seemed like it would actually happen. I was having all these thoughts last night about how everything is out of my control. My body is no longer my body and there is an entire little person growing inside it and taking over. I suffer from severe anxiety so the more I think about something the worse the panic gets. Normally when I feel the panic I take an Ativan or drink chamomile tea but I am so terrified of putting anything into my body right now. I know my antidepressants are safe (Zoloft) so I'll just have to count on them to deal with the chemicals and try to find other ways to calm myself. The new community leisure guide just came out so I'm going to try to get into a yoga class so I can get my body in shape and control my emotions as well.
Going by my Fertility Friend calculator I ovulated 14 days ago so this is still really really early. So my little bundle of cells is most likely 14 days old. My last period started 35 days ago though so I am "technically" 35 days pregnant. Pregnancy math hurts my head though! I can't get into the OBGYN until September 16 so I won't know any details until then. I'm hoping I can get into see my family doctor before that.
My way of dealing with new events/interests is to read everything I possibly can about it. I have been 'collecting' books I want in my Chapters profile for the last year or so (lots of them recommendations from my Married Me ladies). I'm poor though so I requested a bunch from the library. If I fall in love with any of them then I'll buy them after that. The only books they didn't have at the library that I wanted were the Dr Sears books so I think I'll order them.
Anyhoo, that's my news/angst/excitement for the morning.

Friday, August 21, 2009

Fuck Yeah!

I just went for a pee test at the clinic. And it was positive!!!! I can't believe it. I'm trying to get a hold of my Dr right now to set up an appointment to get some info. No details yet but I'm on CD34 so I guess I'm 34 days pregnant? I get confused by baby calculating math. Anyhoo..... I'll write more later. Now I have to go to work and deal with a crummy boss and act like I don't have the most important news in the world!!

Holy Shit! (CD 34, 13DPO)

After I wrote last night I read a friend's blog who was waiting for results from her IUI. I was feeling inspired so I took a test.

There's a line!

I couldn't sleep for hours after that. It's a faint line but it's there. I can't believe it. James is trying not to get too exited. I just woke up and took another test.

There's another line!!

This one is still pretty faint but there is no doubt that it's there. This seriously could be it. I could be pregnant! Going to try to sleep some more and go to a clinic for a blood test later. xo

Thursday, August 20, 2009

2WW Continued (CD 33, 12 DPO)

The wait is killing me. It kills me every month. I was thinking today about how many 2WW's I have endured. We started throwing caution to the wind a couple months before our wedding (June 21, 2008 if yr interested) so it's been about 15 cycles. I wasn't charting the whole time or actually "trying" the whole time but we were having unprotected sex whenever we felt like it. So 15 cycles of 2WW's is ummm...... let me get out my calculator.... is 210 days of waiting for my period. And that's assuming my 2ww is actually 14 days, in actuality it's usually 16-18. And then there's those months where my body decides to ovulate late so I end up feeling like I'm waiting even longer because my cycle turns into 35 days or so and I'm just waiting to ovulate already and stop having to have sex on demand. So come on already! Hasn't my time come!

Tuesday, August 18, 2009

3 Posts in One Day? I must be a sucker for pain. (CD31 cont...)

One would think that on CD31 you could start getting excited about a late period or at least thinking about the possibility of a positive EPT. Well, nope! Not here! My period used to be every 28 days. For as long as I can remember. Then I decided to "start trying". That month my cycle was 35 days. Hmmm..... it's gone on from there anywhere between 29 and 44 days (I'm thinking the 44 day month was either stress of a miscarriage. Can't be sure). But now thanks to FF and the glory of ovulation 'piss strips' I have a general idea of when I ovulated.
So silly me, I was having a rotten day yesterday so I decided to perk myself up with a BIGFUCKINGNEGATIVE EPT. Yeah me! Do I know how to have fun or what? So now we wait another couple of days where I wonder if every pain, twinge, or mood swing is PMS or Pregnancy.

Wait a Sec....

It just dawned on me that maybe my extra grumpy/sad mood today is PMS! Yeah me! Haven't had any of the wonderful sore boobs I get every month though, maybe they'll come tomorrow!

Still Waiting (CD31, 10DPO)

I took an EPT yesterday and got a big fat negative. I must have stared at it for about 5 minutes willing it to change colour. I knew that it was likely too early for a positive (only 9 DPO) but it still sucks. I had been having such a horrible day (still looking for Spike, almost getting a ticket from the cops because james and I both have expired licences, a stressful 1.5 hour job interview, and a sad/grumpy husband) and I had the mentality of "c'mon Fates, give us something good". Ha! Silly, silly me. So then I just felt worse and have continued to all day today. Yippee!

Thursday, August 13, 2009

Waiting (CD 26, 5DPO)

Generally around CD 26 I'd be getting antsy to start taking EPTs but of course my silly body had to wait until CD21 (!!!) to ovulate. Grrr! Fertility Friend is telling me to wait until CD38 (seriously!?) to test. I think I'll probably make it to CD30 or 31. I've been feeling some twinges in my abdomen which I'm hoping is a tiny little baby making itself at home but I'm trying not to get my hopes up about this month. We were doing so well with the sex-timing until Spike went missing. If Fertility Friend is right and I didn't ovulate until CD21 then we might have missed it but if I ignore those facts (silly temp shifts, OPKs and fertile CM) and hope that I ovulated earlier then maybe we have a chance.
Still no kitty. My heart is broken. If I conceive this month I'll name the baby Spike. I miss him so much. xo

Monday, August 10, 2009

If We Don't Get Pregnant this Month, I'm Blaming the Cat (CD 23, 2DPO)

He's still missing. It's been a week. We have searched and searched but still no luck. Our hearts hurt and even though we know we should be having sex we can't bear to. Then I slammed my finger in the car door last night. Nothing like excruciating pain and 2 hours in the ER to get you in the mood. You happy now Spike? You get to stay the baby for one more month!
My fertile CM is gone and my temp started to rise this morning. I guess it's the start of the 2WW.

Friday, August 7, 2009

Happy Birthday to Me (CD 20)

We had the least romantic sex ever last night. I've never more felt less like having sex. My kitty is missing and I can't stop crying. But the show must go on. Poor James, I started crying half way through. This is the crappiest birthday ever. xo

Thursday, August 6, 2009

Woo Hoo (but with sarcasm) (CD19)

My fertile CM decided to make an appearance. Good news in deed. Bad news is that my cat is missing and I can't stop crying long enough to have sex with my husband. Maybe if I drink enough wine coolers I'll get in the mood... or at least pass out and give my husband permission to have his way with me. Ah romance. What a lovely way for a child to be conceived. xo

Tuesday, August 4, 2009

Keep on Keeping On (CD 17)

My body seems a little confused right now. I had what appeared to be a positive OPK on CD 14 but haven't really had any fertile CM. I stopped recording my temperature last month since it seemed to be pretty consistent and I was assured that I am ovulating. I'm trying not to obsess too much but I've been taking my temp for the past week so I could pin-point ovulation and it's been all over the place. It could be that we're having a ridiculous heat-wave and James has been waking up at 4:30AM for work so I wake up early every morning, sleep a couple more hours, and then wake up later. Either way, we're having lots of sex so we're doing all we can. xo

Sunday, August 2, 2009

Dreams (CD 15)

My Auntie Pat called my mum this morning to ask how I was. My mum hasn't told my aunt that we are trying to get pregnant. My aunt said she had a dream last night that I had a little baby girl. My aunt has often had prophetic dreams so I'm taking this as a good sign. Also, I should be ovulating in the next few days and then we have the "2WW" (two week wait). I'm feeling pretty good about this month. I have less stress, we've figured out where the problem most likely lies and although we haven't yet done anything to combat the problem I'm feeling really optimistic. xo