Thursday, July 30, 2009
Fears (CD 12)
Now that I know where the problem is stemming from and that pregnancy might be in my near future I am starting to get scared about the actual pregnancy. I read somewhere once that having a child is like taking your heart and putting it on the outside of your body. I've thought about that a lot and I hope I am ready for it. I'm not scared about the baby part or the birth part or even the pregnancy part (although I know I will be later!); I'm scared about losing a pregnancy. After over a year of trying to get pregnant and never seeing the faintest pink line, what happens if *IT* happens and I lose it? I think I've been hoping so much to just *get* pregnant that I haven't been thinking about the whole *staying pregnant* issue. I'm afraid that my body doesn't want a baby or won't be able to keep it and nurture it. I know that most miscarriages are due to the baby not being healthy enough to survive but my fear is that my body isn't healthy enough to keep a baby.
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Oh yes it is exactly like a hunk of your heart out there in the world! I was just telling Bear the other night how here we were so excited to get pregnant..then it happens and you live in fear of losing it or something being wrong...then you have it and you live in fear still of something going wrong...then you get to what you think is a safe age but then all new fears come with each age of the child! But believe me it will be so worth it for you so don't you ever doubt that ;) Wishing you loads of fertile vibes!
ReplyDeleteI see how my mum is with me and I know this to be true. I am 29 but I am still her little baby. When I hurt, she hurts; when I feel joy, she feels it too. I hope my baby will love me as much as I love my mum and I hope that we have a relationship with my baby like I do with my mum.
ReplyDeleteps: I am so excited for you!!!!